About Me Who I am:
I am Becky Fowler and I believe that I was born to be creative, to share my curiosity, passion and joy and to deeply explore and heal limiting self-beliefs to transform lives.
This is the essence of who I am.
Everything I have experienced in my life has led me to this point.
What I love…
As a young child I was most happy making up songs, singing, dancing, drawing pictures, making crafts, ‘teaching’ my dolls and soft toys and creating games and worlds for me and my friends to play in. I loved the freedom of singing at the top of my voice, whizzing down the hill on my skateboard or bike, doing handstands in the pool, making up voices, and being silly and funny. Intolerant of injustice, I fiercely stood up for the rights of other people, animals and the environment. I enjoyed being in nature, with animals and with my imagination and inner world. I often felt deeply and intensely and was drawn to what was ‘below the surface’. Being in nature grounded me and brought me into a place of gratitude, peace, wonder and curiosity.
I always knew that there was something higher and greater than myself; I don’t remember discovering this or one day realising this – I just always knew. I have always been drawn to oracle and systems of divining, astrology, psychology and any and every way of gaining a deeper understanding of myself, my friends and family.
The moon cycle and her mystical influence on us – particularly as women, intrigues me. I have a hunger to know myself deeper and to discover ways of touching deeper into who I am and how I can live more authentically and more happily in my own skin.
I am a truth seeker, not satisfied to skim the surface. If something doesn’t feel right or doesn’t sit with me I delve into it, pull it apart and see what’s going on.
I am here to shine light on taboos, to heal shame in myself and to support others to do this for themselves. I believe that nothing is out of bounds in the quest for freedom and fulfilment.
How I got to where I am….
Like many of us, my life wasn’t always smooth sailing and from a young age I learned to shut down parts of who I was and become whoever I needed to be to be liked and approved of by those around me. I learned that it wasn’t a likeable trait to speak your opinion and truth; that it wasn’t the type of thing ‘good girls’ did. I learned that I needed to stay quiet, do as I was told and be responsive, agreeable and perfect. If I made pretty art, if I got good marks and was helpful and kind, I would be praised, approved of and liked. I lost who I really was in the process. My feisty, joyful, inner child shrank further down inside of me and gave way to the ‘false self’, whose primary goal was keeping me safe – directing me to do and say whatever was needed to keep the peace, smooth things over and maintain harmony.
I developed a harsh critical inner-voice that berated me for getting things wrong or stepping outside the safe confines of the arbitrary rules I had created of what was ok and what was not ok. Every now and then, my rebel nature would kick off and challenge and push and say what was on my mind. In these moments I felt powerful but I knew it was dangerous. I often paid the price of by being disapproved of and sanctioned.
All I wanted was to feel wanted but in the absence of feeling wanted, I made myself into a person who was needed. I became the person people relied on, went to for problem solving, advice and to take responsibility and sort things out. I became needed in my job, in my friendships and relationships. I got my sense of self-worth from how much people depended on me and how much they praised me for how helpful, perfect and good I was at looking after them or being everything they needed me to be. I was their saviour. The one who could sort it all out, hold it all together. It was exhausting maintaining this performance and persona all the time. I was empty and numb inside. I was desperate to be loved unconditionally regardless of what I did or how much I gave.
I never allowed myself to rely on anyone else. I insisted on being strong, independent and competent at all times; never allowing myself to let my guard down or allow any cracks in my perfect persona to be revealed. No one saw the real me or knew what my real heart’s desires were (including myself) because I never went there. I never allowed myself to open up for fear of being seen and exposed – this was far too vulnerable. Vulnerability and falling apart were my enemies. I had had a taste of what it was like to fall apart and not be in control when I developed panic attacks. For the bones of eight years, after my mother’s death, I had regular overwhelming episodes of anxiety and panic attacks that interrupted my day to day life, eroded my self-confidence and trapped me in an even smaller box of what was ok and what was not ok for me. This ever-shrinking experience of life felt suffocating and absolutely desperate. I wanted to feel alive again, to feel like me, to feel joy in my life and have the confidence I used to have. I wanted to sing, dance, make art and just Be.
Something started to change…
I discovered a feeling of joy one day when I helped my daughter to decorate a box for her bedroom using collage. I was in my element, totally absorbed in the activity for hours and got such a kick out of what we created. It was the feeling of being completely immersed and absorbed in the process that transported me into a state of peace and contentment. Memories of loving art as a child came flooding back to me.
I wanted more of this! I started doing other art activities that I enjoyed as a child, teenager and young adult. I discovered the same ability to get lost in the activity and to create for hours on end. I had rediscovered my happy place, the place where I could be myself and be present with myself. I started to prioritise art making in my spare time and began exploring all sorts of different art techniques and processes. I couldn’t get enough.
I found that art for me wasn’t just about making things that looked good. There was something about the process that brought me deep into myself. Art had information for me. It reflected back to me things about myself and my life. I was learning about myself and beginning to be braver in my art. Taking risks in my art gave me a thrill and made me feel more confident to try new things. I started to see that this bravery and confidence was following me off canvas and into my life too. My self-esteem was starting to re-emerge.
When I discovered art journaling and intuitive painting, my heart started to open up to this highly personal way of expressing what was deep inside my psyche. It was so liberating and compelling. It felt safe as I was doing it on my own at home and nobody needed to see what I was producing. It was just for me.
The panic attacks continued however and I realised I needed to seek help. I tried talk therapy and EMDR but there was something stopping me going deeper and really touching into what was keeping me stuck. Throughout the period I did EMDR, I continued making collage, painting, making art in my journal and writing. I was exploring themes in my art that were bubbling to the surface. Art was helping me to tell my story and process the layers of my thoughts, feelings and beliefs. My art was guiding me out of the prison that I had created for myself. I was reconnecting with myself in a raw, uncensored way and it was changing me. It was giving me back my life. I was remembering who I was, what sparked joy in me and what I was passionate about. I was rediscovering my sense of something greater than me and the sense that there was something more I needed to be doing with my life, something more in alignment with who I fundamentally was.
I came across Chris Zydel’s Wild Heart Expressive Arts Teacher Training program and my heart leapt at what I was reading. I knew on a very physical level that that training was for me, but I allowed my old conditioning of fear and scarcity mind-set to stop me from registering. ‘I can’t afford it. I can’t travel to USA four times in ten months. What will my family do without me? How could I take that much time and money for myself? I don’t deserve it. I’m not ready.’ I looked into other courses in Ireland, UK and Europe but I couldn’t find anything that gave me the same unmistakable, electric whole body ‘YES!’ response that I got when I read the course description for Chris’ course. I let it go for a year and kept plodding along in my job that was slowly killing my spirit and keeping me feeling stuck.
The following year, Chris advertised her Teacher Training program again and I had the same ‘YES!’ body response to the course as I read it. This time I decided I needed to follow my intuition (which at this stage was shouting at me!) and I signed up for the course and paid my deposit without any clue as to how I was going to pay for all the travel, accommodation and course costs. I didn’t care. I knew that this was right for me and that the universe would support me in making it happen. Sure enough a solution appeared and the means became available. I was doing it! This felt both completely exhilarating and totally scary at the same time. I knew by committing to doing this training I was going to come face to face with myself and it would transform me.
I travelled on my own to San Francisco from Ireland four times in ten months and as I predicted my life completely transformed. I broke open places within myself that contained my shame, old pain, memories and stories that I had shut down, locked away never to be seen again. With the love and support of my sisters and teachers I started to heal and love those parts of myself again.
I painted, danced, drummed, sang, laughed, hollered, hummed, stomped, shook, cried, hugged, wrote and spoke my pain to the surface.
I allowed myself to feel it, accept it and to transform it.
I slowly let go of limiting beliefs, old identities and ways of seeing things that had created my story to date. I freed myself from the limitations I had placed on who I was and what I could do. With everything I was letting go of and releasing, I was making way for the new me to emerge. I was becoming bigger, shinier and more powerful. I was aligning with my higher purpose, letting myself come out of hiding and allowing myself to be seen and heard and to shine.
I experienced true unconditional love and support from my teachers and my sisters and with this I transformed my life. I now had the courage to quit my job, stop paying my mortgage and move countries. I was not limiting myself anymore. I was done with playing small and being held back. I had stepped into being my true authentic self.
Now I am here to offer the same unconditional love, non-judgement, support and encouragement to the women who come to me. These women come to feel alive again, to strip away all that no longer serves them in their lives and to become their fullest, bravest, most magnificent selves. They come to reconnect with their soul through creativity and to open themselves to the mystery and wisdom of their intuition. They come because their soul is crying out for sisterhood and connection.
If you are ready for this kind of liberation in your life, then I can’t wait to meet you and to join you on your own wild adventure of reclaiming your true self and letting your soul shine through into all that you do.
You deserve to live the life you dream of.