I want what I want and I want it all!

Dear Creative Soul Sister,

I want what I want and I want it all!

I had a dream recently that I titled, ‘I want what I want and I want it all!’. Two teenage girls (one of which was my daughter) were getting fizzy drinks (soda). I was aware they’d already had more than one and in an attempt to limit their intake, I suggested they share the next one, as my daughter poured her 7 Up into a bowl. The other girl refused and insisted she wanted her own drink. She wanted Lemon Fanta not 7 Up and she went to get it. I gave up trying to control the situation and instead admired the girl’s ability to stand up for what she wanted and to get it.

Longing and desire.

There’s a difference between longing and desire, I discovered this week reading an email from Janelle Hardy. She mused that longing brings us to a place in ourselves that feels like we’re never going to get it. We feel separate from the thing we are longing for. It’s unattainable and it makes our insides ache and feel empty. There’s a defeated, deflated feeling that comes with the realisation that it’s highly unlikely it’s ever going to happen, whereas desire on the other hand is tapping into what is attainable, what is within reach and possible for us. It’s a felt sensation in the body of energy for that object of our desire. There’s a propulsion toward that thing and an excitement at the possibility.

I want what I want and I want it all!

Knowing what we want and wanting it all, with no limits, is an amazingly empowering feeling. Anything’s possible and we deserve it. Having a sense of deservingness is a big factor in the cultivation of desire. We have to believe we are worthy and deserving of receiving and attaining our desires for them to feel juicy, delicious and within reach. Maybe that’s what distinguishes between a longing and a desire - the feeling of deservingness. We feel deserving of our desires and undeserving of our longings. Desires are more immediate, longings are off in the never-never stretching out in front of us, never to be within reach.

Wanting it ALL is selfish.

That's the belief I carried with me for decades. ‘I mustn’t be selfish and want things; ALL the things for myself. What would that say about me if I was that selfish? Wanting is unladylike. Good girls are satisfied and content with what they have’.

My mum always said, ‘Beggars can’t be choosers’, ‘You’ve made your bed, now lie in it’ and ‘that’s your lot’. She was perpetually unhappy, bored and fed up, living according to these rules and beliefs. She was deadened by the caps she placed on her capacity and sense of deserving of pleasure, goodness and abundance. She learned to put up with mediocrity, good enough, ‘it’ll do’ and shrugged off her dissatisfaction with, ‘Don’t worry about me, I’m fine’.

She wasn’t fine. She deserved the world. She deserved happiness, respect, a good relationship and life, but she wouldn’t allow herself to have it. She had decided the level of goodness she was allowed and like a true martyr she was ‘happy with her lot’.

I vowed not to live like my mum - unhappy in her relationship, living in a country away from her family with no close friends to speak of. So many times in my life I caught glimpses of similarities between my life and hers and fear swooped in and motivated me to want more, to reconnect with my true desires and purpose, to not just drift along and make do.

That’s no life - just making do, passing the time away, clocking up the hours, days, weeks, months, years until the day you die. In her case death came early. I can only imagine the desperation and eventual resignation she must have felt at living an unfulfilled life, when she discovered she had terminal cancer at 58. I remember her denial of it beating her. She spoke of planning a trip together to Machu Picchu - a place we both would love to have seen, but it never happened. She'd planned to see Simon and Garfunkel in concert the night after she died, but again it wasnt meant to be.

So many missed opportunities. A life unfulfilled.

What makes a life fulfilling?

In my opinion, it’s living a life following the energy. Being willing to push through the fears and limiting beliefs that keep us stuck, feeling bored and terrified of the unknown. It’s being brave enough to step beyond the known and comfortable and trusting the path into the unknown will appear ahead of us as we walk.

I’m grateful to be part of a circle of brave women, each committed to journeying forward, following the energy, allowing ourselves to feel, to grieve the losses, to tackle the difficult conversations and assert boundaries to protect what we value and hold dear.

We are women who are willing to do what it takes to feel alive and live lives where we matter and what we bring to the world matters.

Knowing we matter and we deserve, are fundamental foundational beliefs that allow us to step out and do the work of bringing our unique gifts and medicine to the world. It’s the key to unlocking the chains that bind us to playing small and shrinking into the shadows over and over, putting up with mediocrity and the boring reality of sameness and going nowhere.

More! We all deserve more.

I want what I want and I want it all!

If this stirs your desire, you know you want more and want to step into living a life that lights you up, then I invite you to feel into Bone Deep Rising - my one to one creative spiritual mentoring program for women who want what they want and want it all!

As always, I love hearing from you, so feel free to reach out and contact me.

I love hearing what resonates for you AND I love answering questions,

Until next time,
I'm sending you so much love,

Bec xxxx

Email: hello@creativecovenarts.co.uk
Telephone: 07367 964679
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